By Ralph Loizzo
Do you have a spare moment to aid a woman with a dilemma?
Of course you do, my darling.
See, I'm not sure if I should take your eyes first, or your tongue.
This is no easy decision! No, no!
Both are equally sweet to the taste. A man's eyes are reminiscent of biting into a cordial, with a smooth outer finish, and gooey decadence on the inside. A man's tongue on the contrary does not lend itself to be chewed easily. The meat is usually tough, probably hardened by a lifetime of wicked words. But once boiled, as with all tough meats, easily softens with a small amount of added heat and water.
Rest assured, after I'm finished with my feasting, there will be nothing left of you. I am a woman who learned long ago not to waste the best parts of a man, and I've yet to find a bad one.
So while the task at hand is simple, satiating my hunger, I'm always left with the dilemma of where to start.
As I've done with all my men before, I've left the choice of the beginning to them. Shall I enumerate the options?
If I take your eyes first, with a quick pop of a screwdriver (it doesn't take much), you would no longer be able to see what and how I feast next. That might ease the shock a little, not knowing what exactly you're hearing me do, and which part I will take next. You wouldn't see the marvelous tools I have at my disposal, and how quickly a man can become, shall we say, dismantled?
However, if I take your tongue first, you won't be able to share in the savory delights as I do. Of course I would permit you to taste some of the wares; isn't that what you would expect of a hospitable host? Especially if you've never even sampled that of which I've grown to appreciate.
I know it's no easy choice, but it is yours after all.
And we have all the time in the world.
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