Sex and Murder Magazine

By Mark Vogel

Jeff Schultz is surely a computer programmer,
a Lexus owner, a churchman respected,
used to marshmallow softness,
tired enough of the Marlboro man.

Because he was white and soft from the beginning,
he came to the scout leaders with his dilemma-
the tick so insolent on the end of his dick.
And we hovered outside the windows,

seeing his white ass and clean underwear,
a communal eye recoiling in horror
as the pocket knife poised close to essence,
as matches failed to scare.

When we followed him to the nurse,
imagining her consternation and tainted desire,
the story took shape and flowed
like the nearby spring-fed Ozark river-

this hairless boy brazenly showing his penis
to a woman. Her Vaseline treatment
and mysterious smile lingers as scout lore
described again and again.

Jeff Schultz, with a backbone made of Jello,
the weakest of heroes, forever gets
what he doesn't deserve.